Valerie and Shell are very close

When Valerie Whittaker found out that her daughter was anorexic she felt bewildered.

She knew nothing about eating disorders – the only person she had heard of with anorexia was the American singer Karen Carpenter.

And although Valerie had a supportive GP who quickly accessed the care needed by 15-year-old Shell, she said she just wanted to talk to another parent, someone who would be able to understand what she was going through.

“You feel a failure that you have not noticed sooner,” she said.

“Her legs looked so thin and I said to my husband ‘how on earth did we miss it? How did we not notice what was happening? But then it was just a rollercoaster of hospital appointments.”

In a bid to help mothers like Valerie, the charity Care for the Family has launched the UK’s first telephone befriending service for parents of children with an eating disorder.

It offers parents one-to-one, ongoing support from trained ‘befrienders’ whose own child has had an eating disorder.

The charity said it was frequently asked for help by parents like Valerie and, as the numbers suffering an eating disorder rise to as many as a quarter of adolescent girls, the service was much needed.

Katharine Hill, at Care for the Family, said having a child with an eating disorder affected the whole family.

“It can place a huge strain on relationships between parents and with siblings,” she said.

“We want parents to know they are not alone.”

Practical advice

Valerie, from Warrington, in Cheshire, who is now a befriender herself, hopes to be able to offer advice to other struggling mothers and fathers.

“The befrienders would have helped me; given me tips to help my daughter eat by making the food look less – tips such as boiled potatoes on a plate look much bigger than mashed, and mashed potatoes in an ice cream scoop look even less.

“When we had a training day for the befrienders they all knew and understood.

“I don’t think people understand if they haven’t been through it – the awkward silences of trying to eat a meal without making an issue about the food.

“It was amazing to hear the lengths people had gone to get their child to eat.”

Ten years on, Shell is fully recovered and pregnant with her first child, but Valerie said the 18 months it had taken her daughter to recover was very bleak, full of hospital appointments and counselling for both Shell and the rest of the family.

Dr Ann York, a child and adolescent psychiatrist based who is based in London , said parental help, such as that offered by the befrienders, could be very beneficial, but warned it must not replace professional counselling.

“It is very common that families feel isolated and confused about what to do and very alone, so talking to someone who understands and has been through it themselves might just be very helpful,” she said.

“The important thing is that this does not hinder them also getting professional help and does not get in the way of the therapy they are having with a service.

“It should be an addition.”

Many women don’t suspect they’re pregnant until they’ve missed a period, but there may be other indications, sometimes even before that missed period, too.

• Sickness and/or feelings of nausea
• A strange, ‘metallic’ taste in your mouth
• Breast tenderness, tingling and enlargement
• The small bumps – ‘Montgomery’s tubercules’ – on your nipples becoming more obvious
• Stomach pains
• Tiredness
• Constipation
• Needing to urinate more often
• Going off certain things, such as coffee and fatty foods
• Increased vaginal discharge
• Some women experience very light bleeding (called ‘spotting’) that they mistake for their period

When should I do a test?

Home pregnancy tests can be used on the first day of your missed period, and some very sensitive tests can be used sooner than this.

The tests work by detecting the hormone human chorionic gonadotrophin (hCG) in your urine. A chemical in the stick changes colour when it comes into contact with this hormone, so the usual way of testing is to urinate on the end of the stick and watch for the result in the window of the stick.

Pregnancy tests are very accurate as long as you use them properly. It’s possible to have a false negative, when the test says you aren’t pregnant but you are. If your period still doesn’t arrive, repeat the test or check with your GP.

You can buy home pregnancy tests online, in the supermarket or at your local chemist. Some GPs, family planning clinics and young people’s services (such as Brook Centres) offer free tests, as do some pharmacies, the British Pregnancy Advisory Service and Marie Stopes International clinics.

When is my baby due?

The length of your pregnancy is dated from the first day of your last period, even though you actually conceive two weeks or so after this date (depending on the length of your cycle). Your baby is likely to be born two weeks either side of the due date.

Check your due date and what’s happening within your body week by week with our pregnancy calendar. All you need to know is the first day of your last period.

Most women see their GP to arrange antenatal care, but you can book directly with a community midwife if you prefer. Call your doctor’s surgery, or your primary care trust, to find out how to do this.

Does a GP need to confirm my pregnancy?

If you’ve had a positive home test, you just need to tell your doctor. They’re unlikely to test you again. You may be offered a ‘dating’ scan, even if you’re sure of your dates. This is an ultrasound scan done in early pregnancy to find out the size of your uterus and the embryo, to help determine how many weeks pregnant you are.

A healthy vagina is as clean and pure as a carton of yoghurt…

Now there’s a statement to combat some of the negative messages we have received about our nether regions. We are often taught that our vaginas are dirty and germ filled – generally not a nice place to go. But in fact as Dr Hillier from the Magee-Womans hospital in Pittsburgh states a “healthy vagina is as clean and pure as a carton of yoghurt”. from Woman An Intimate Geography by Natalie Angier.

A healthy vagina is a self regulating system and is cleaner than our mouths and much much cleaner than our rectums. The vaginal ecosystem is a mutually advantageous relationship between the vagina itself and the micro-organisms that inhabit it.

Your vagina is full of life in the form of bacteria but these are good bacteria fighting the good battle to keep bad bacteria out of your reproductive system. These good bacteria are called lactobacilli which are the same organisms found in yoghurt. In a healthy vagina these lactobacilli maintain a acidic environment – around 3.8 – 4.5 pH ( a little bit more acidic than black coffee which has a pH of 5).

Vaginal mucus is “made up of the same things found in blood serum, the clear, thin, sticky liquid that remains behind when the solid components of blood, like clotting factors, are separated away. Vaginal discharge consists of water, albumin – the most abundant protein in the body – a few stray white blood cells, and mucin, the oily substance that gives the vagina and cervix their slippery sheen. Discharge is not dirt, certainly, and it is not a toxic waste product of the body in the sense of urine and faeces. No, no, no,. It is the same substance as what is inside the vagina, neither better nor worse, pulled down because we’re bipedal and gravity exists, and because on occasion the cup runneth over.”page 53 – 4 Woman, an intimate Geography by Natalie Angier

What about smell?? We have all heard the jokes that compare our private parts to fish. A healthy vagina has a slightly sweet pungent odour. If it smells anymore pungent than this or takes on a fishy odour then this is usually a sign that the delicate balance has been upset and the Lactobacilli (good bacteria) are losing the battle.

There are numerous things that can upset the balance in the vagina and lead to the smelly condition called bacterial vaginosis.

• Poor hygiene – if you haven’t bathed for a week – things will start getting aromatic. It is not necessary to scrub or use heavily perfumed soaps or sprays on your genital area. Clean water is best, as lots of perfumed products used here can cause thrush.
• Illness – Pelvic Infections can lead to vaginosis. Candida is a condition where the vagina becomes too alkaline (due to diet, oral contraceptives, stress) causing some of the not so good bacteria to flourish.

Pregnancy and the resultant change in your hormone levels can cause thrush.

• Drugs like Oral contraceptives and antibiotics can contribute to vaginosis.
• Low levels of lactobacilli – some women have less robust lactobacilli leaving them open to infections.
• Douching is really bad for the vagina. It kills off the lactobacilli leaving your vagina open to attack from the bad guys.
• Sperm are highly alkaline, so when they arrive in the vagina, the vagina needs to work extra hard to return itself to its acidic status quo, this can cause a brief increase in odour. If a woman has many sexual partners and does not use condoms, that is, is subjected to may different kinds of sperm, she may be more prone to vaginosis as her body tries to adjust.

• Do not douche. The only exception to this rule which may be acceptable is if you are trying to conceive and are trying to alter your vaginas pH for a greater good. Do it as little as you can and increase the number of lactobacilli in your diet through upping your intake of yoghurt or taking acidophilus tablets

• Use condoms if you have multiple partners – which you should be using anyway to avoid STD’s.

• Eat a good healthy diet, minimising sugar intake (sugar helps the bad guys grow). Include good yoghurt or acidophilus every day.

• Wear cotton underwear – this stops things getting too steamy down there, allowing good air flow.

• Do not use perfumes/spray on the genital area.

Researchers believe love can act as a painkiller

Love hurts, at least according to many a romantic songwriter, but it may also help ease pain, US scientists suggest.

Brain scans suggest many of the areas normally involved in pain response are also activated by amorous thoughts.

Stanford University researchers gave 15 students mild doses of pain, while checking if they were distracted by gazing at photos of their beloved.

The study focused on people early in a romance, journal PLoS One reported, so the “drug of love” may wear off.

The scientists who carried out the experiment used “functional magnetic resonance imaging” (fMRI) to measure activity in real-time in different parts of the brain.

It has been known for some time that strong feelings of love are linked to intense activity in several different brain regions.

These include areas linked to the brain chemical dopamine, which produces the brain’s feel-good state following certain stimulants – from eating sweets to taking cocaine.

“Light up”

The Stanford University researchers had noticed that when we feel pain, some of the same areas “light up” on the scans – and wondered whether one might affect the other.

They recruited a dozen students who were all in the first nine months of a relationship, defined as “the first phase of intense love”.

Each was asked to bring in a picture of the object of their affection and photos of what they deemed an equally attractive acquaintance.

While their brains were scanned, they were shown these pictures, while a computer controlled heat pad placed in the palm of their hand was set up to cause them mild pain.

They found that viewing the picture of their beloved reduced perceptions of pain much more than looking at the image of the acquaintance.

Dr Jarred Younger, one of the researchers involved, said that the “love-induced analgesia” appeared to involve more primitive functions of the brain, working in a similar way to opioid painkillers.

“One of the key sites is the nucleus accumbens, a key reward addiction centre for opioids, cocaine and other drugs of abuse.

“The region tells the brain that you really need to keep doing this.”

Professor Paul Gilbert, a neuropsychologist from the University of Derby, said that the relationship between emotional states and the perception of pain was clear.

He said: “One example is a footballer who has suffered quite a painful injury, but who is able to continue playing because of his emotionally charged state.”

He added that while the effect noticed by the Stanford researchers might only be short-lived in the early stages of a love affair, it may well be replaced by something similar later in a relationship, with a sense of comfort and wellbeing generating the release of endorphins.

“It’s important to recognise that people who feel alone and depressed may have very low pain thresholds, whereas the reverse can be true for people who feel secure and cared for.

“This may well be an issue for the health service, as patients are sometimes rushed through the system, and perhaps there isn’t this focus on caring that might have existed once.”